For many people, the holiday season is one that they look forward to throughout the year. It’s a time of warmth and nostalgia that brings comfort to them. But for some, especially those dealing with a dysfunctional family, this time of year can bring added stress and anxiety. In this article, we explore how dysfunctional families can impact mental health, provide practical tips for coping during the holidays, and outline steps for healing.
How Dysfunctional Families Can Influence Mental Health
Dysfunctional family dynamics can influence nearly every aspect of mental health, especially during the holiday season. Constant tension, unresolved conflicts, resentment, and unhealthy communication patterns contribute to heightened anxiety in the home. The pressure to conform to societal expectations of holiday cheer may make these issues even worse, leading to feelings of frustration.Â
People from dysfunctional families tend to experience guilt or shame about not having the idyllic family gatherings portrayed in the media. Seeing other families enjoying each other’s company and relishing their time together can feel defeating and painful. As a result, many people find themselves suffering from holiday blues or depression.
Tips for Coping with a Dysfunctional Family
If you find yourself in a situation where you are inevitably going to see dysfunctional family members this holiday season, there are some ways that you can cope.
1. Know Before You Go
Understand that your family may not meet the idealized image of a perfect holiday gathering. Adjust your expectations to minimize disappointment and reduce stress.
2. Establish Personal Boundaries
Clearly define and communicate your boundaries to these family members. This may include limiting the duration of visits, avoiding certain topics, or excusing yourself when tensions rise. Boundaries help protect your mental health.
3. Look for Support Outside the Family:
Work to create a network of friends that can support you in place of your family. Having a circle of understanding people provides emotional support and an outlet for sharing your feelings.
4. Focus on Positive Interactions:
Identify and focus on positive aspects of family interactions. Instead of dwelling on conflicts, look for moments of connection and joy. Though they may be few and far between, they might exist if you look hard enough.
How to Know When It’s Time to Remove Family Members from Your Life
While maintaining family ties is often considered important, there are instances when it is necessary to consider distancing yourself from certain family members for the sake of your well-being. Signs that it might be time to take this step include:
1. Consistent Emotional Abuse
If a family member consistently engages in emotional abuse, like manipulation, belittling, or gaslighting, it may be necessary to establish distance to protect your mental health.
2. Refusal to Change or Seek Help
Refusing to acknowledge and address harmful behaviors, despite your attempts to communicate and set boundaries, means that distancing is likely necessary.
3. Repeated Betrayals of Trust
If a member of your family consistently breaches your trust, you may want to reevaluate the relationship.
Signs of Toxic Family Members
In some cases, being able to identify certain family members as toxic can help you break free from the chains of the relationship and develop a sense of empathy towards them. Any family members displaying toxicity may show signs of:
1. Lack of Empathy
Toxic family members tend to display a consistent lack of empathy toward others’ feelings or perspectives. Even if you outwardly express how you feel, they are unlikely to tailor their response or alter their behavior in a socially acceptable way.
2. Manipulative Behavior
Manipulation, whether emotional or psychological, is a common characteristic of toxic people within a family dynamic.
3. Constant Criticism
These people habitually criticize and belittle others, creating a negative and unhealthy atmosphere that makes mentally healthy people uncomfortable.Â
How to Heal from a Dysfunctional Family
1. Acceptance and Forgiveness
Acknowledge the dysfunction within your family and work towards accepting that you cannot change others. Forgiving, not necessarily forgetting, can be a helpful step in the healing process.
2. Therapy and Counseling
Look for the help of a professional in order to navigate and process the emotional impact of a dysfunctional family. Therapists will be able to provide guidance and help you build coping strategies to handle these kinds of interactions in the future.
3. Build a Chosen Family
Surround yourself with a chosen family – friends or supportive individuals who understand and respect your boundaries.
4. Focus on Personal Growth
Invest time in personal development and growth. This could involve setting and achieving personal goals, both big and small, to build confidence and a sense of purpose outside of the family unit.
5. Build Healthy Relationships
As you distance yourself from toxic family members, focus on building healthy relationships with individuals who uplift and support you. Cultivating positive connections will make you feel better.
Find a New Family at New Dimensions
Dealing with a dysfunctional family during the holidays is uncomfortable and can bring up a lot of negative emotions. When you’re able to understand how these family dynamics work and can identify toxic behaviors, you are better equipped to emotionally distance yourself.Â
Getting through the holiday season might feel intimidating but when you are equipped with the tools to cope and overcome these challenges, you can come out on the other side unscathed. Remember to take care of yourself, protect your peace, and enjoy this season as best as you can.
New Dimensions Day Treatment Centers is proud to offer a safe space for individuals who struggle with dysfunctional families. We understand the sort of mental trauma this can lead to, especially throughout the holiday season. If you struggle during this time of the year, reach out to our professional team to get help today.
References
Forth A, Sezlik S, Lee S, Ritchie M, Logan J, Ellingwood H. Toxic Relationships: The Experiences and Effects of Psychopathy in Romantic Relationships. Int J Offender Ther Comp Criminol. 2022 Nov;66(15):1627-1658. doi: 10.1177/0306624X211049187. Epub 2021 Oct 6. PMID: 34612077; PMCID: PMC9527357.
Mphaphuli, L. K. (2023). The Impact of Dysfunctional Families on the Mental Health of Children. Parenting in Modern Societies. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.110565
Wiegand-Grefe S, Sell M, Filter B, Plass-Christl A. Family Functioning and Psychological Health of Children with Mentally Ill Parents. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2019 Apr 10;16(7):1278. doi: 10.3390/ijerph16071278. PMID: 30974758; PMCID: PMC6479670.